


No One Would Listen

by TheAvengersMascot



Series: Hide Your Face So The World Will Never Find You [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst out the wazoo, Community: norsekink, Internalized racism, Loki Needs a Hug, Mortal Loki, Self-Loathing, Songfic, all the hugs, gratuitous Phantom of the Opera quoting, many hugs, no really, sad fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-12
Updated: 2015-02-12
Packaged: 2018-03-11 22:26:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3335021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAvengersMascot/pseuds/TheAvengersMascot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Past the point of no return -</p><p>no backward glances:</p><p>the games we've played till now are at</p><p>an end . . .</p>
            </blockquote>





	No One Would Listen

**Author's Note:**

> You know how I always say I usually prefer to write happy endings? This isn't one of those times. 
> 
> This is a sad, fic. This is a _very_ sad fic. This fic is swimming in deepest end of the sad pool.
> 
> Got it?
> 
> You sure?
> 
> Okay. Read on.
> 
> ( **Disclaimer** : Loki is property of Marvel. All song lyrics are by Charles Hart and Andrew Lloyd Webber.)
> 
> Filled for this [ norsekink prompt](http://norsekink.livejournal.com/11337.html?thread=27744841#t27744841)

He's being a fool and he knows it. Nothing will be true when he turns around that isn't true now, but he can't make himself do it. Not yet. Because turning around will mean admitting that it's happened. He'll see the empty space where she used to be, where she should be. As long as he stays where he is — his back to the room, forehead against the door, hand on the handle — as long as he stays that way, he doesn't have to face it. Until he opens his eyes, it doesn't have to be real.

_no more talk of darkness,_

_forget these wide-eyed fears;_

_I'm here, nothing can harm you,_

_my words will warm and calm you._

Loki squeezes his eyes shut, trying to shut it all out. It's a pointless act when the searing pain in his heart is spreading unhindered to the rest of him. He can't understand how it happened, how he could have gotten it so wrong. He doesn't know why he let himself believe it could be different. This life was meant to be his punishment, a lesson in pain and hardship. How did he ever think he could be that happy?

_let me be your freedom,_

_let daylight dry your tears;_

_I'm here, with you, beside you,_

_to guard you and to guide you._

He wants to laugh at his sorry state but it comes out as a gasp. Next is a sob, choked off in his throat so that all that comes out is a moan. The irony is this time, Odin has nothing to do with his suffering. It has nothing to do with his being exiled, or stripped of his power, or the difficult life he is made to endure. No, he did this to himself. Undone by curiosity and loneliness, just as before.

_let me be your shelter,_

_let me be your light;_

_you're safe, no one will find you,_

_your fears are far behind you._

Loki stays standing there, desperately clinging to a fragment of hope that is even now slipping through his fingers. Hope that he'll hear something, that the next series of footfalls out in the hall will belong to her. His hand leaves the handle to press flat against the door itself. Maybe she didn't really leave. Maybe she's on the other side of the door in a mirror of his pose while she works out her feelings. She's not, and he knows it, but he can't admit it yet, because admitting that she's gone for sure means admitting that it's all his fault. There is truly no one else to blame and knowing that he is once more the architect of his own misery is more than he can stand.

_all I want is freedom,_

_a world with no more night;_

_and you, always beside me,_

_to hold me and to hide me_

Unbidden thoughts bring to mind the film she showed him, one of her favourites, about a monster who fell in love with a beautiful girl. The first time he could hardly stand to watch as the monster was rejected over and over before finally relinquishing its chance. All he could see was himself as the monster, destined for a life of pain and solitude. In time though, he deceived himself into thinking his story might end differently. After all, the girl did care for the monster, it was his deeds that frightened her away and Loki had no intention of ever hurting his love. Perhaps he could even be the other man in the story, the one who truly wins the girl's love. But no, he's not, and he can no longer pretend otherwise. Without question, he is the monster.

_say you'll need me with you, beside you_

_anywhere you go let me go too_

As he sinks to the floor, Loki curls in on himself, arms wrapped about his knees and head still leaning against the door. If anyone could accept his true form, it would have been her, or so he thought. The meagre magic allowed him by Odin was only enough to put on and remove his Aesir glamour and nothing more. At the start he never dreamed he would show another his true face but after so much time spent with her, a seed of longing grew inside him. It grew until longing was replace by an intense need, the need to know she accepted him — all of him — no matter what. Childish sentiment.

_~~and now, how you've repaid me~~ _

_~~denied me and betrayed me~~ _

Her horror is all he can see behind his closed eyes, her scream all he hears in the silence. He put the glamour back in an instant but even that was too late. She saw the monster he is and there was no acceptance, no understanding. Just fear. Fear and revulsion. His pleas to her went unheard, even as he fell to his knees and begged with desperate entreaties, all his carefully planned words deserting him. She's gone, doubtless for all time. And there is no one to blame but himself and his own pathetic desire for love. He can't even find it in himself to be angry with her, because it's simply not possible that she hates him more than he hates his own monstrous self. Deep down he knew what her reaction would be, but hoped he was wrong, oh how he hoped. The same hope that lays shattered around him, its jagged shards slicing him to ribbons as he tries to gather up the pieces, vainly trying to salvage it before it's gone forever.

_say you'll share with me one love one lifetime_

_let me lead you from your solitude_

"Love me," he whispers. "That's all I ask of you."

But she isn't there to hear.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay everyone, I really need your help with something. The reason this is listed as part of a series is that I intended it as a standalone, but I also spun out a 4000+ word back-story for this relationship and I'm totally torn about whether or not to post it. I kind of love this one as it is, but I also feel weird about the idea of no one ever reading the other part. What do you all think? Do you want to read how Loki got here or should I leave it up to your imagination?
> 
> You can also come say Hi to me on tumblr at [ theclassicblunders](http://theclassicblunders.tumblr.com).


End file.
